On the 24th October 2017 I did an event on Body confidence and how to really become at one with who you are. As this event was a lot to take in I thought I’d create a post on some of the key points I made.
You don’t need a better body, you have a beach body already, you are absolutely perfect and your body is incredible. There is so much pressure placed on us to be perfect when in fact there is no real ideal. These are completely social influences placed on our everyday life.
To love yourself isn’t just selfies and flaunting, its owning up to your issues and completely accepting your flaws and allowing yourself the space to do better. Self love is something that begins mentally rather than physically. If we have a negative internal image, it will forward itself into our everyday life, giving us a negative external image too. This is contributed massively by social media and the cultures we live in.
WHY THE WORLD WE LIVE IN CAN REALLY JUST SUCK
In our society we are given these “norms” we’re suppose to live by. These are completely based on ANYTHING, money, sex, power, our body, relationships, everything. It feels like we’re handed rules that we have to live by and its wrong. We shouldn’t have to just accept these rules that are forced on us on how we should live our life. If you completely base your own self worth on social norms you wont ever find self love. Self love is about discovering and realising who you are and most importantly accepting who you are.
We now live in a world and time that is taken over by social media. Now social media is not always bad, without it I would have never began The Happiness Bootcamp and met some of the most amazing people. But a lot of the time it has a huge negative impact on how we look at ourselves physically. We are surrounded by people who only post about themselves when they look their best, the likes of the Kardashians or insta famous people. Many post on social media completely to flaunt what they have and there’s nothing wrong with that if that’s what someone wants to do but it becomes a problem when they make it seem that its real. Nobodies life is 100% ideal or perfect AT ALL. Barely anybody posts online to talk about the negative areas of their life e.g A selfie after a shower, a photo crying, a bad meal, a bad hair day, I could go on forever. So why don’t we post the bad parts? easy. Social media is a snippet into our lives, a small part of our life that seems almost perfect. That’s what you must always remember, models, insta famous people or even friends don’t have perfect lives and only ever show you what they WANT you to see.
I REALLY HATE PHOTOSHOP
Photoshop absolutely drives me insane, its used now not only in modelling and movies but in our everyday life. You can simply download a free Photoshop app and change EXACTLY how you look in seconds. Its becoming increasingly difficult to know what’s natural and what’s been enhanced online just because everybody has access to this. All we have to do is log onto instagram and we are flooded by fake photos of people who change who they are JUST for likes. I cant understand that. I guess in some sense they themselves feel insecure about their flaws but the damage it creates is much larger. When you look at many modelling photos or even a classic Kardashian photos, DONT COMPARE YOURSELF. Honestly most of the time they don’t even look like what they do online in real life. Photoshop creates a false image THESE PEOPLE ARENT REAL.
These two videos that I’ve linked above are my favourites, they show how easy it is to change someone through Photoshop and how actually even though you dream of looking that way, its not worth it. Please do give them a watch!
HOW BEAUTY STANDARD CHANGE
What’s relevant right now doesn’t mean it will be in 5-10 years time, or even tomorrow. Just because everyone right now wants a big bum and tight toned figure does not mean its going to be cool or attractive next week (trust me). Beauty standards change SO much and so quickly, the only reason we see them everywhere is because it makes business money. Its so easy for companies to play completely off what’s in right now to drag a crowd of following people towards them, then ding ding they cash in. Beauty standards will change so fast that its not even worth paying attention to what’s cool right now. Its one of the main reasons that if you focus on loving who you are and how you look, you wont ever feel the pressure that’s so not needed. Your body is perfect ITS AMAZING HOW IT IS you do not need to change it to fit in, I promise.
The following stats are actually from beauty standards over the last 60 years, I just want you to take a look at how fast and crazy these standards change. You don’t need to follow them.
- 1950s: Mariylin Monroe/grace Kelly: busty hourglass figure, flawless skin, BMI: 23.6
- 1960s: Twiggy: thin and androgynous BMI: 25 CELEBRITY: 17.4-20
- 1970s: Diet pills, anorexia nervosa gained coverage, long hair, “natural makeup”, thin BMI: 24.9 celeb BMI: 20-18
- 1980s: fitness, toned slender, famous women weights 15% less than a healthy weight. BMI: 25 but famous: 17
- 1990: Bony appearance, increasingly thin look with large breasts, comparing BMI average of 26.3 to famous Keira knightly of 17.2
- 2017: fitness, large bum, large boobs, tiny waist.
HOW CAN I BECOME BODY CONFIDENT?
There is no one way to love yourself and who you are but there are things you can do in your everyday life to help influence your thoughts and feelings towards yourself. So I thought i’d note down some of my favourite ways that helped me.
- ALWAYS REMIND YOURSELF OF YOUR SELF WORTH- Use mantras, stand in front of a mirror each morning and instead of dragging yourself down, speak positive. Look at yourself and at every negative point that crosses your mind shut it down. Tell yourself you are beautiful, tell yourself you are confident, you are amazing. You so easily teach yourself negative things, you can so easily change it to something positive.
- TAKE TIME TO JOURNAL- During my recovery I found journals helpful, I would write poems on how I felt or write down negative terms I felt and cross them out and change it to a positive. For me seeing my thoughts on my body wrote down with something amazing and positive next to it, really helped me.
- TRY SOMETHING NEW- Fitness was a huge area for me that helped in recovery, I decided to push myself out of my comfort zone to really try and make myself get better. One thing I did was join Bodypump at the local gym, at first I was so scared and hit at the back but after the workout I loved it. Exercise of any kind even just walking outside releases endorphins, the happy hormones. By trying something new be this a new skill, hobby or even exercise it helps to make you feel happier. These are natural anti depressants, GET OUTSIDE!!
- FORGIVE YOURSELF- No matter what allow yourself your bad days. Allow yourself one day and don’t allow it to carry on to the next one. Forgive yourself and move on. By forgiving yourself for your past mistakes it helps you come to terms with who you are and accept your flaws. This will help you be healthier mentally. This also counts for food, if you eat a lot one day and lots of desserts, don’t allow that to affect tomorrow. Begin each day as something new.
- BE PATIENT AND FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE- Loving yourself takes time, it doesn’t happen over night. Keep practising self love, mediation, a new exercise routine or even your positive mantras and I promise it will come.
MY FAVOURITE SOCIAL MEDIA PEOPLE
One thing I always tell people to do is clear out your social media of negative things. Take away the celebrities that flaunt negative vibes and even the people you know that aren’t positive or trying to help. Take away the insta famous people that you stare at wishing your life was the same, you don’t need it. These are possibly my favourite positive people on social media.
Iskra is a campaigner for NEDA (an eating disorder project) as well as an amazing model. She was labelled as plus size and now fights against this term and to end photoshop. Her photos are so inspiring and she’s just amazing!
Ashley Graham is an American model at a size 14/16 who has appeared on Vogue, Glamour and Elle. She fights to take away the words plus size, she is so cool
Emily runs The Happiness Newspaper, a paper full of positivity and happiness. In a world of negativity its something really beautiful. She’s also really positive and happy online too!
Just in case you didn’t know, this is me! I always try and post positive things online and will always show my real life for you. You can follow my separate social medias from The Happiness Bootcamp too!
I just wanted to share with you a poem I wrote about how amazing you are!
You are the only you. You are the only person in the whole world who has your eyes, lips, stomach, thighs, fingers, toes and that in itself is beautiful. You are created individually not to be a copy but a single individual; we are not processed copies of books but a fairy tale of our own. We are loved, our society seen imperfections are not imperfections at all but minor lines in our giant story we hold. To love yourself is the biggest challenge, yet I can promise you this, once you do the world seems like the most perfect place because finally, you learn to love NOT ACCEPT. You are one of the wonders of the world.
I hope this helps someone with how they feel, just always remember you are worth so much.
Much love, A x